How Do You Eat an Elephant? (and other bullshit riddles)

You think maybe you drink too much?

I never did. I thought it was part of my charm. We'd go to a party, I'd get loaded and make eyes at everyone and everyone would be like "oh that dude is hilarious" and then I would be hilarious and then it was over and I'd look back fondly at the party and then I'd get an angry phone call the next day because I said something incredibly offensive to someone I shouldn't have or I threw up on the dog.

This went on for about 14 years.

Probably most of you haven't built up your own sense of legend in your head as much as I have, but maybe you find yourself drinking after the party when you get home too, or staying at the party too long, or having a couple slugs before rehearsal or arranging where to buy drugs during intermission, etc...

You probably don't even know you need to stop drinking. "I don't need to stop drinking", you'll say to yourself as you stare in the bathroom mirror of a strange man's house the next morning.

And really, even if you don't need to stop drinking and you just need to drink or do drugs less than now, the idea of making a lifestyle change is enormous and overwhelming and the path now seems easier. It is easier. Whatever you are doing now is easier than changing. Why, just a moment ago, I said "I should donate all the clothes in my closet I don't wear anymore." But the fact of the matter is, it is easier not to do that. So I won't. It IS easier!

One of the most overwhelming parts of stopping a thing or making a change is the idea that it is forever. There were a couple things for me that I could not imagine never doing again. The pre-show whiskey toast with my friends before a late night show. The mimosa brunches with my lady friends. The handfuls of screamers before Abbie Fest.

I cannot live in a world where I cannot take 9 Oxycontin pills before I go to a pickup basketball game. I just can't.

BUT, I can do that one time. I can not drink at a brunch once. Or maybe twice even. I could TRY to not get completely bent at a closing night party or before church one time. Just to see what its like. That's why I don't go to church anymore, but also why I don't get kicked out of closing night parties anymore.

My point is, you might find that you could have more meaningful discussions and friendships if they aren't based on drinking all the time at every event. That's a great way to help decide if you might have an issue or not or if you even care if you have a problem.

You have to do everything a little bit at a time or you will never change anything in your life.
If you want to stop drinking or eating or whatever, you are going to mess up. You are probably going to drink or eat or whatever again. That's the way it works. Just keep trying and eventually you will succeed or you will wind up dead in the river and both are valid options.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!

-A


PS: I would love for you to help write for this blog or ask any questions you may have regarding articles you may want to see! You can be completely anonymous if that's what you want. Thanks to everyone who has already sent stuff. It'll be up soon. recoveryintheatre@gmail.com